Never Say Never

Have you ever had something that you said you would never do? And then one day you wake up and you’re doing it and it’s not your favorite thing ever, but it’s OK?

Well, that was me. About raising kids with a husband who travels a lot.

 

My dad did that. He was famous for traveling more than anyone else, and mom was famous for holding the fort down for weeks and months on end with grace and two well-behaved children. (She was also famous for touting us along as and traveling the world with him.) So I grew up in that life, and it was ok, we did pretty good and our family is super tight and made great memories together. And while Dad was missing in some of the memories, it wasn’t really like something was missing, but more like the 3 of us girls did those parts of life together, and that’s just the way it was.  But I was determined that I would never be the mom in that scenario.

I know there are many moms out there who really know what its like to hold the for down. Especially a few of my military mom friends. You are forever my heroes, Kara and Lily. If I’m ever tempted to feel sorry for myself, I think of you two.

In fact, if I ever complain to my mom she just gives me this look like, “If you keep complaining I’ll tell you how bad I had it…”, to which I immediately start stuttering out a list of all the things in life I’m grateful for. Gratitude is my mom’s favorite thing. 🙂

So I grew up saying, I’ll never do that. I’ll never raise my kids alone. I’ll never stay home while my husband goes. That is just not me.

But then one day recently Tyler and I realized that we have higher priorities—more important I would never’s than this one. We agreed.

• “I would never (again) travel with kids to the point that we’re all overdone.” Where all four of us are emotional wrecks, sick, and missing any sense of home.”
• “I would never (again) throw out all routine.” Routine that keeps us all at peace, that Tyler can come home to, that he carries with him when he travels, that helps our little world make sense.”

“I would never again… say never.”

Because usually “I would never…” means “I don’t want to…”  And we never know what life will throw our way. Never know what God will walk us through so faithfully. Experiences we didn’t choose, but God uses to draw us closer to Him.

Experiences that make us surer of ourselves and what we can do.

So here I am a 2 weeks into several weeks of nonstop travel for my husband. Now he’s on the other side of the globe—as far away as you can get—and yet despite all of that, I am at peace. The kids are at peace. I’m grateful to be home, able to drive the kids around, able to have them at preschool part-time, able to have family near and to have heat and a fireplace and plants to water and cookies to make and laundry to take care of.

Who is this person who has taken over my body?? Where did she come from?!

She’s seeming a whole lot like my mom (which is totally weird and unexpected), but I think I like her more than that angsty, overachiever she used to be. The one who racked up airline miles with babies in tow (Supermom! ..but not really).

And that girl was always trying… so… stinkin… hard.

Sometimes we just have to let it go and trust the God who made us and brought us here.

It’s like playing Candy Land with Little Man who’s almost 5. He keeps trying to rig the game so that he’ll win, and I keep telling him it’s more fun when you don’t control it, and you get to be surprised with what happens! And then it happened.  That time he drew that gumdrop card near the end of the game and squealed with glee and surprise… I think and I hope that he got it.

You’ll never know what could happen if you stop trying to control the game. And you’ll never know what might make you squeal with delight– or change deep down inside– if you never say never.